There are these moments in life which you somehow forget to fill up. They stay open, bare and are often invisible until some other moment nudges them out of their burrow.
Like looking at an old doodle done seven years ago and slipping into the same space of mind effortlessly.
Or looking at an old photograph and hearing a voice inside your brain.
Or when my mum calls me from the kitchen for dinner.
There is something about that voice, about the way she calls, and the texture of the tender care in a simple syllable that speaks volumes more - 'The dinner's hot and tasty.' 'Its your favorite.' 'You have not eaten for hours.' 'I am tired and sleepy but I can wait until I've served you.'
It is these little things that carry so much meaning than grand displays that I miss the most when I am away. And it is these spaces that I want to hold more of.
The blood beneath the skin.
The blue in the nerves.
Or the tiny 'gulp' sound when I drink water.
It is odd how time seems to stop during these little getaways. Everything blurs, the sights, the sounds, the sensations of everything around melts as these moments gain a strange weight and hover over me. And often these spaces come unheralded, and yet blend in beautifully.
Back in London for my graduation ceremony and a few performances, it feels like everything in between hangs in another space. Its like touching a familiar unfamiliarity. Or an unfamiliar familiarity. Or maybe I am losing it.
It is gong to be formally over, my course, with a formal ceremony of robes and smiles and congratulations. More than the course, I wish we all could look into (really, really deep into) the whole experience of it, and congratulate each other on the particular period of time that has been intense both personally and artistically in some way or the other.
I am listening to the same songs I used to a year ago on the tube. And walking on the exact same spaces and trying and tracing the exact same steps.
It is not the spaces but what we leave of ourselves or what we find of ourselves in those spaces that make it significant for all of us.
Or, maybe I am losing it.
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